Harry's Fall Chapter 1
by Mymy22
Summary: Proffesor snape is determined to find out why Griffindors golden boy has tryied to take his own life. But what he finds he is definetly not prepaired for. rated M for later chapters
1. Chapter 1

Harry sat on the edge of the windowsill, looking out at the grounds of the only place he had ever considered home. Off in the distance he could see the light coming from hagrids hut, and the moon reflected on the smooth surface of the lake. His eyes paused as his mind flashed back to the previous year, when he had dived down to the mermaid city to rescue his best mate, Ron. He quickly cut that line of thought. He didn't want to think about last year. When he ha been forced to watch helplessly as the dark lord was reborn, Cedric's death, the hatred the school felt for him. He looked down at the bottle of potion in his hand, contemplating once more on whether or it to drink the lethal dose of purple liquid. "Oh sure, being famous is great! Gotta love how every bastard in school thinks I love attention and fame!" He muttered to himself. Hedwig flew over and stood beside him, staining unblinking into his eyes. " why is it so hard for people to see the truth?" He asked her quietly."why can't they see I hate the attention? The fame? The high expectations, the assumptions that I'm exactly like my dad." Harry thought of snape and how the man loathed him due to not only who his father was, but now also how Harry had looked at all of snapes most pro it thoughts and memories earlier that evening. "Well hedwig, I'm not puting up with it any longer. No more dreams, no more disgusted looks, no more fame or glory or Vernon..." He stoped as a flashback forced him to relive the past five summers of hell Vernon had put him through. It was a good thing Harry was better at oclumency than snape thought. He had managed to hide that one detail of his life. But now he wouldn't have to. He pulled the cork out of the bottle and downed its contents. Then the boy who lived, jumped off the owlery window to the ground below, ready to die.

Meen while...

It just so happens that Severus snape had gone to the owlery to send a note to Kingsley, asking him to find a new tutor for the potter boy shortly after the boy himself arived. He had learned early in his teaching career to enter this towe carefully, in case a couple of love birds were indecent when he burst threw the door. Plus, owls dont apreciateq humans barging into their home. Be us of this habit, Severus managed to slip in right after harry, unoticed. He listened as Harry explained to the owls around him al of his troubles and how he viewed them. It was quite a shock to see the boy stiffen when he mentioned his eyes narrowed when he noticed the vial in the boys hand. He was just starting a list of what it could possibly be when Harry gulped it down and jumped out the window. Snapes reaction was awtomatic. Wingardium leviosa!


	2. Chapter 2

Ch2

Wingardium Leviosa! He shouted, pointing his wand out the window, managing to catch the boy and guid his convulsing body back into the tower. He emidiatly summoned the proper antidote and poured it down the boys throat, along with a calming solution to keep him asleep. Now, Snape thought, what to do with you?

...

When Harry regained consciousness, his first thought was of disappointment. His attempt at ending his own life had failed. Then, he panicked as he realized he was tied to a chair in the office of none other than Professor Snape.

"Awake, are we Mr. Potter?" Speak of the devil. Harry remained silent.

"Why, pray tell, did you feel the need to end your own life, Potter?" Again, Harry remained silent.

"What? Don't feel like talking? Well, I can fix that." A cold shiver ran down Harry's spine and he immediately shut his eyes and clamped his jaw shut. He heard Snape walk away, pick up an object, and walk back. He felt a cold spell hit him square in the chest. He tried to flinch away but quickly realized it was a body-binding curse. Great. What was Snape planning? He groaned as a sharp pain blossomed in his cheek, then gagged as liquid hit his tongue. It was tasteless and had no immediate reaction. It was varitaserum. No no no no! He couldn't tell him the truth! Nobody could know!

"So. Let's begin." Severus waited until the boy's eyes became glassy. It didn't take long; even with the boy fighting the drug ferociously. He quickly reversed the body bind curse and started questioning.

"What is your name?"

"Harry James Potter."

"And who are your parents?"

"Lilly and James Potter."

"Why did you try to kill yourself?"

At this the boy's face contorted painfully as he tried not to answer.

"Because I-" he started to grit his teeth. Snape asked the question again and this time Harry had no defence against the drug. He was powerless.

"Because I can't take it anymore." He said threw gritted teeth.

"Take what anymore?"

"A-buse."

"Abuse from whom? Why?"

"My uncle. Because I'm a freak that they got stuck with for 16 years. And classmates and teachers for being the boy who lived or for looking like my dad. For being forced into the triwizard tournament. For saying that Voldemort has returned. Because Cedric died because of me."

"What kind of abuse are you receiving?" Harry remained silent this time. Severus repeated the question but again the boy remained silent. When he finally looked up, Severus saw that the drug had worn off. Leaving the large, evergreen eyes of the love of his life. All that was left of his precious Lilly. But these eyes were not filled with laughter like Lilly's were. They were hollow, deep depths of nothing.

"Mr. Potter, what are you trying to hide from me?" Harry remained silent and unblinking.

"You do realize that I am not only capable, but willing to pull the information from you by any means necessary. Including by illegal ones if need be." Harry continued to stare as if he had not heard what his professor had said.

"Fine. Have it your way. Cruesio!" Harry screamed and writhed in agony. Waiting for the curse to finally end. When it did, he slumped over, panting, sweat poring off his face.

"Would you like to try again Mr. Potter?"

"Why? Why do you need to know?" He was still panting. Making his words come out in choppy bursts.

"Because it is my job to maintain the safety of the students in this school, no matter how loathsome they can be. Now answer, the question." Snape's tone turned deadly.

Harry knew he didn't have choice. He was going to end up telling Snape wether he wanted to or not. But he didn't have to make it easy for him.

"Yes, because using the crueciatis curse on students is the epitome of keeping them safe." Harry expected Snape to slap him, or curse him. What he was not prepared for, was the sad, apologetic look that crept it's way onto Snape's face. It took him so off hard that he didn't even notice Snape raising his wand until it was too late, Snape was already in his head.

To be continued

Authors Note

Please leave constructive comments and opinions so that I can better my story and my writing!


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note: Decided to go in a new direction. Thoughts past grammar? (yes i'm trying to find a beta)**

Severous was a master at both oclumency and legitimacy. Better even, than the Dumbledor and even the Dark Lord himself. Thus allowing for his survival for the past 15 years. Being thus, he had of course picked up a few tricks along the way. Most useful one being his unique legitamacy tactic. While most wizards simply observed as a third party, receiving mostly vague mental pictures and thought strands but not much more. Severous however, delved deeper into the mind, so as to feel what his subject felt, Thus allowing him to see where he was unwanted and showing him a clear path to the knowledge he was seeking. Up until now Severous had refrained from using this tactic on the boy, as he had only wished to invade his mind. But now he found himself living Potter's life with him. And what a shock that life was.

Harry watched in horror as Snape viewed his entire life threw his eyes. Dudley and his friends chasing Harry around the playground, Ripper keeping Harry in a tree for hours while aunt marge stood by and laughed, Harry being locked in his cupboard for weeks at a time. Harry tried to focus on obvious horrors, like Cedric's death, the rise of voldemort, the attack on Mr. Weasley, but Snape was not fooled. He forced his way back to where he left of in Harry's life. Harry tried not to panic when Snape saw him moving into Dudley's second bedroom, but his sudden horror could not be helped, and then the true horror began.

Though he hated to admit it, even to himself, the boy had indeed learned something during their occlumency lessons. He almost managed to sidetrack Snape by pulling other memories forward. A valiant attempt. But Harry had admitted to these things already. He was looking for secrets.A sudden sense of nausea and panic colored the boy's mind when a bedroom came into view, and Snape immediately took interest. Potter fought harder. Panic and shame vivid in his thoughts, He can't know! No one can know!

**Warning Disturbing Content **Includes pedofilia and excesive abuse.

As Harry sat on his bed reading one of his new schoolbooks, he pondered the recent turn of events his life had taken. It was only two days ago that he had been told he was a wizard and taken to Diagon Alley to purchase his school supplies. If t weren't for the fact that his aunt and uncle refused to acknowledge his existence and Dudly was terrified of him, he would have thought it all a dream. Or maybe a terrible joke for his 's thoughts were interrupted by his uncle entering his room. Harry quickly closed his book and put it face down on his night stand. Judging by the look on his uncle's face, this visit was not going to be pleasant. His uncle quietly closed the door and started to remove his belt. harry tensed. He had, of course, expected this the moment Hagrid had returned him to the Dursleys, but he had hoped that their fear of him would postpone it a bit longer.

"Alright boy. Strip!" His uncle growled. Harry did as he was told, removing his shirt, pants, and boxers.

"Up against the wall. You know the drill." On his way over to the blank section of wall his uncle was referring to, Harry pulled a thick pair of socks out of his drawer and put them in his mouth. He then took his place up against the wall, hips out, feet apart. Just like always. He bit down hard on the socks in a vain attempt not to scream as his whip him with the belt.

By the time his uncle had finished, Harry was struggling to remain upright. He stood there, shaking with the effort of stopping his legs from buckling, waiting for his uncle to leave. But Vernon didn't leave. Suddenly Harry couldn't breath. He reached up and tried to claw at the belt being held tightly around his neck. He stumbled backward, struggling to find his footing as his uncle pulled him backwards. With a hard tug to the left harry fell to the ground coughing and gasping, Spitting out the socks in the process. Once again the belt was around his neck. Just loose enough for the faintest amount of air to reach his lungs. Harry felt his uncles weight on top of him. And then a stiff wet probe at the end of his torso. He tried to scream but the constricting belt would not allow it. He squirmed trying to escape the endless pain, but Vernon's heavy body kept him pinned.

Harry didn't know know how long he lay there, waiting for the pain to stop. He focused only on the small amount of air that went in and out of his lungs since the belt was loosened. At last his uncle stood, and removed the belt from Harry's neck. Harry turned his face into the floor, desperately trying not to sob as relief flooded him that it was finally over. He listened as his uncle redressed and left his room, locking the door behind him, and when he was sure the coast was clear, released the deep sobs that he had held back.

**Warning over**

"Potter." Harry stared at the floor, refusing to look up when his professor said his name. _It's not real. This isn't happening. It's just a bad dream_. Harry's thoughts were interrupted as his bindings abruptly disappeared."Remove your shirt, Potter." Harry still did not move. He kept his hands on the edge of the chair, and his eyes shut. Clinging to the hope that none of this was real. He flinched and gripped the chair tighter, when he felt cold hands touch his back while they slowly lifted his shirt. Harry shut his eyes tighter and waited for the pain to come as it always did. He was determined not a single sound would escape his lips. My body is not mine, the pain is not mine. I am nothing. I feel nothing. He started repeating the chant that had saved him for so long. But instead of removing the shirt as Harry had expected, Snape gently lowered it once more and took a step back. "Harry," The use of his first name taking him off guard, Harry's eyes flickered up to see that instead of the loathing glower he had always received, Snape's face was full of something harry couldn't quite name. Sorrow? Pitty? Sympathy? Maybe a mix of them. He looked away quickly, uncomfortable making eye contact.

"Harry, does the headmaster know about any of this?" He shook his head.

"And why not?" Snape's voice was low, commanding, but for once, not harsh. Had his mind been able to procure the idea, Harry would say it was soft. As it was he considered it like the calm before the storm. Deceivingly decent, that is.

"Because there was nothing he could have done. And if he could have, he wouldn't. He is obsessed with the fact that living there keeps me safe from Voldemort." Snape stood there, staring at him for a moment. A calculating look on his face.

"How did you explain these injuries to Madam Pomfrey? Surely she must have notice what with your annual visits to the hospital wing."

"Said they were from quiditch."

"And she believed you?" Harry flinched at the sudden change in Snape's tone. He shook his head. Not daring to look up.

"She doesn't ask too many questions. I think it's so that student will come to her without fear of getting into trouble." He tensed, expecting his professor to be outraged. Instead, Snape was quiet again. It was quite some time before his professor relinquished his stiff pose in order to search through the items on his desk. Snape returned holding Harry's wand, offering the handle to its owner. But Harry was unable to move. Every muscle in his body was painfully tense. His heart was beating too fast, he couldn't breath. _Not again! _He shut his eyes tighter, in a vain attempt to ward off the panic rising in his chest. His rational mind new he was in no danger at the moment. Snape had no reason to harm him now that he had what he wanted. Harry understood that. But he couldn't shake the feeling that he needed to run, to hide. Scenarios started racing through his mind, increasing his panic. Simple actions such as a comforting hand on his shoulder, being asked if he was ok, were suddenly the most terrifying thing that could possibly occur.

"What's happening?" He gasped. The words coming out in puffs of breath. He needed air. Why couldn't he suck in any air? He started gasping more, trying desperately to force more oxygen into his lungs. He heard Snape calling his name but he couldn't answer. His torso contracted, the already taut muscles attempting to tighten more. And everything went black.

…

As Severous stood there, trying to process what he had found in the boy's' head, he found himself looking at the boy with new eyes. So to speak. He knew he had foolishly crossed the line with the use of cruciatis curse. No matter how desperate he was for potter to reveal what he was hiding. _I truly need to retire from doing the Dark Lord's bidding. _He thought. _Its severely hindering my judgement._ He had no doubt that the boy thought nothing of the curse. Given the steady income of abuse he received elsewhere. But still. He was inclined to offer the boy an outlet. It was the least he could do. He needed to find a way to gain the boy's trust. He grabbed the boys wand and tried to offer it to him. Only to find him hyperventilating."Whats happening?" the boy said. his words coming out in breathy gasps. Severous immediately dropped down in front of him.

"Harry? Harry can you hear me?" Severous received no response. The boy simply sat stiff as a board, barely breathing. Severous gently placed two fingers against the boy's throat, feeling a rapid flutter instead of a steady heart beat. Thinking quickly he summoned a bottle of sleeping potion.

"Harry? Can you drink this?" Severous did his best to keep his voice calm and soothing. He received no response. "Harry, look at me. You need to breath. Just take a deep breath." Severous waited. He was fairly certain his student was suffering from a massive panic attack, in which case he would simply have to wait for hit to pass. He doubted the boy was aware of his presence, but even thus he conjured up a chair next to him and continued to try and reach him.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Authors Note: Okay could really use some thoughts on this chapter. Not sure how it turned out. Thoughts? Liked didn't like? No new chapter till I hear reviews!**

Black nothingness. That's all Harry could remember. He knew there was something important he was missing, but he couldn't quite place what it was. The term out of body experience came to mind, but he sensed nothing beyond his consciousness. He knew he wasn't dead. So, an inner body experience? Perhaps that was it then. He was inside his own head. It was an interesting experience. He imagined this must be what it was like to be in space. Black, empty, open. Everything far beyond his reach. His thoughts had a certain fluidity to them. Almost like being underwater, in a slow, exaggerated way. _Harry. _Wait, what was that? _Harry, can you hear me?_ He wanted to respond, but he had no lips to respond with. Right? He felt his muscles try to tighten, even though they were already taught. _Okay_, he had muscles. So he had to have lips too. But where were they? He felt a light touch on his shoulder. Immediately fear enveloped him like icy water. But he couldn't remember why he was afraid. _Breathe Harry._ Breath. He could do that. He took a deep breathe, chilly air filling his lungs in choppy bursts. _Harry, open your eyes._ Every muscle in Harry's body screamed for him to keep his eyes shut. He shuddered as another wave of fear coursed through his body. He tried to focus on something else. The voice. Yes! He had been listening to the voice. Whose voice was it? It was a deep voice. He knew that much. _You can open your eyes now Mr. Potter. You're safe, I can assure you. _He was in school than. And the voice he had been following belonged to none other than the professor who loathed him most. It all came crashing down on him then. He could remember everything now. And he wasn't sure that was a good thing.

Severus let out a sigh of relief when he saw Harry take a deep breath. _Good._ He thought._He's coming out of it then._ Severus got up and started a pot of tea, pouring each of them a cup before taking his seat once more. He watched as Harry's breathing evened out, face occasionally relaxing and contorting into a look of confusion before returning to its taught, pained look. Figuring from the boy's previous reaction that his words were being heard, Severus continued to try and lead him back to consciousness.

"Harry, open your eyes." He frowned as a massive shudder racked its way through the boy's thin frame. Concluding that the phrasing he had used had been received as unpleasant in Harry's past, he decided to try a new tactic. He thought for a moment as the boy shuddered again._ Perhaps something more familiar to this environment then. _"You can open your eyes now Mr. Potter. You're safe now I can assure you." He watched as once again Harry's face contorted in thought, then tensed, and released the breath he had apparently been holding.

"Harry?" Harry glance up at him, eyes full of questions, before his features went blank. "Yes professor?" Instead of responding Severus offered him the cup of tea. Harry eyed it warily before accepting it, giving it a careful sniff as he did. They sat in silence for a while, Severus sipping his tea while Harry simply held his.

"Professor?" Harry looked up from his tea, receiving a nod to continue as he did. "What just happened? Was that Voldemort? In my head I mean?"

"No. That was not the Dark Lord. It would appear that you just had an anxiety attack. This has not happened before I take it?" Harry shook his head no. Severus nodded slowly, considering how best to proceed.

"Given the current circumstances, I believe it is best for you to stay in my personal quarters this evening. I keep a spare bedroom for situations like these, not to worry. In the morning we will address your injuries and further discuss how to proceed." As he spoke, Severus watched as Harry's face paled to the point that it looked almost translucent. Sweat began to bead on his brow, and the teacup in his hands shook ever so slightly in the boy's tight grip. "Do you have a problem with anything I have said?" Harry opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, then apparently gave up on the notion and shook his head no with his eyes closed. Severus raised an eyebrow in clear disbelief of the boys answer. But Harry's eyes were still closed, his head pointed down. Severus Gently probed the boys mind. Not enough for him to notice, but just enough to know what was bothering him enough to threaten a second panic attack. _Spare bedroom._ Spare bedroom? _Foolish._ Severus admonished himself. Of course the boy would assume the far worst from being sent to spend the night in a spare bedroom. _The boy probably believes you're going to treat him the same way his uncle and godfather did._ Not that Severus could blame him. The boy had no reason to trust him, or anyone for that matter.

"Do you have a problem with anything I have said?" Harry knew Snape had noticed his reaction to the proposed overnight stay. _Well it's not like I can refuse him. _Harry opened his mouth to reply but he couldn't speak. He wanted so badly to tell his professor that he did have a problem with staying. That if he stayed he wouldn't sleep. But his throat had tightened. He tried again, only to end up closing his mouth and shaking his head no. Closing his eyes against the onslaught of images the conversation had brought on as he did so.

"Harry," Harry sighed and looked up. Snape's expression was soft, something Harry was not expecting. "Harry, you needn't do anything you do not wish to do." Snape's eyes seemed to be boring into Harry, similar to the way Dumbledore's twinkling ones did. "I-" Harry had no idea what to say. Snape looked at him a moment longer, then raised his wand, two silver does springing from it and galloping out of the room. Harry stared at the spot in the wall they had vanished through. Snape however, simply sipped his tea as if nothing had happened. Eventually Harry managed to tear his gaze from the wall and place it instead on his professor.

"What just happened?"

"As I recall, you sought lessons with one Remus Lupin on the subject of the patronus charm correct?" Confused Harry nodded his head. "Pity his teachings were incomplete. The charm can be used for more than just deflecting dementors. It is also a way of fast communication." They lapsed back into silence as Harry contemplated who the patronuses were headed to. He assumed they were going to Mcgonagal and Dumbledore, but then why would they be meeting here in Snape's office? Harry was always taken to the headmaster's office when his say was needed. Harry's thoughts were interrupted by a light knock on the door.

"Come in." Following Snape's command, in came the last two people Harry had expected to see. Still wearing their pajamas, Ron and Hermione crept into the office; shooting Harry worried glances as they did.

"Professor, what is this about?" Hermione said, her gaze darting quickly back and forth from Harry to Snape, and back again. Harry averted his eyes, unable to look either of his friends in the eye. He had been ready to leave them behind earlier. When they had been across the castle in Gryffindor tower. But having them here, in front of him, it was much harder to let go. Then it hit him why Snape would summon them. "No!" He said, his head snapping up to attempt a glare at his professor. He knew they could probably see the panic written on his face but he didn't care. He was _not_ going to let this happen. Snape raised one dark eyebrow.

"I have yet to actually do anything, Mr. Potter."

"Harry, what's going on?"

"Yea mate, what's all this about?" Harry looked back and forth between his two best friends, mouth once again attempting wordless speech. He turned to Snape. "There is no problem professor. There is no reason for them to be here." Snape eyed him carefully, before turning to Ron and Hermione.

"The reason I have called you both down here, is because I need your assistance with young Mr. Potter here. However, the content of anything to do with your assistance is to be kept strictly between us, do you understand?" Still looking slightly worried, they both nodded. Snape explained his wishes for them to observe Harry while he slept, then gave them instructions to collect the things they (and Harry) would need for the night, and come back. Harry paled as Snape gave his instructions. They were surely to have questions in the morning. Questions he wasn't ready to answer. But he didn't have long to dwell on that. As soon as the door closed behind Ron, Snape sat back down next to Harry, causing an involuntary flinch as he did so.

"I know you think I'm betraying your privacy, but I assure you, I plan to keep them in the dark as much as I can. For as long as you wish. So far all they know is that you were in lesson with me, and now I need your sleep pattern observed. Do you understand?" Harry contemplated his words for a moment. It occurred to him that having Ron and Hermione watch him sleep was a good way to keep Harry here without making him too uncomfortable, but he wasn't that keen on the idea of allowing his friends to see him suffer through a nightmare either. Particularly Hermione, who he knew would take in every detail. _Too late now._ He thought. But still. It was nice that his professor had provided him with this alternative. Even if was only for one night. He looked up and gave his professor a small smile.

"I understand professor. Thank you for this." Snape nodded and gestured that they should stand and proceed through the other door.


End file.
